Lady's and gentlemen, this website's been temporarily taken over by a representative of the advocates for the censorship of the creative arts and free speech (for our own good, he adds), a founding member of the Comics Code Authoritarians Society, Dr. Wertham P. Fredrics.
While I personally believe that censorship is bad, I have allowed Dr. Fredrics this temporary platform so that he can enlighten us more on his views about comics.
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THE APOCOLYTE: "The Blog At The End Of Time would like to welcome repressionist hypocrite Dr. Wertham Fredrics."
DR. WERTHAM P. FREDRICS: "Zis is a terrible place...vot are you tryink to do here anyvay, mit all der comics and all dat schtuff dere, huh, anyvay?"
"It's a comics blog...people like to read comics --"
"COMICS ISS BAD FOR YOU!! NO GOOD!! Bad boy! Bad boy!"
"Please stop hitting me with that rolled up comic book!"
"Ooops! Hehe...old habits...Comics is schmut! Depraved, mind-warping filth! Und I can prove it!"
" Oh, you can, huh? Didn't you guys do enough damage in the 50's with all your censorship? What good did that accomplish?"
"You're right, ve didn't censor enough to get ze job done back then! Ve need to suppress all der naughty bits so people don't want to have sex or injure their eyeballs anymore! Supress! Repress! Censor!"
"Calm down! Now you said something about proving..."
"Dat's right! Go und grab a schtack of comics und come back, und den ve'll talk! Go! Go get them!"
"Alright! Here! I grabbed a stack of old Atlas MISS AMERICA comics from the late 40's/early 50's...there's nothing more wholesome than these, Doc!"
"You think zo, eh? Ve'll see! Ve'll see!! Now, go turn off der lights und show der first shlide, already!"
"These aren't slides, they're comic books! Here's the first comic cover - "
"What can you tell us, Doc?"
"Vell, like I said, it's SCHMUT!! Here ve have a young girl daydreaming about her naughty sexual fantasy!"
"What?...there's no sex going on here...!"
"Tsk, tsk...und you looked like such a schmart boy! Take a closer look, beneath the surface! For 1948, dis iss a sexual fantasy! Here, let me tell you vot's goink on ...zis girl is schtanding dere und hoping to attract a man, so she iss dressed (in her mind) in ze ultimate outfit...ze four flowers on her dress, as buttons represent the four bases in baseball, und in zex! One must schtart at first base und go one by one until he reaches his goal - home plate! Yah! Home run! I remember one time I vas on third base und - "
"Doc! The comic, please!"
"Yah!...she vears der white gloves, which sybolize her purity, her virginity. In the 40's und 50's all young women of high morals wore white gloves...any girl who didn't was rightly labelled as a slut!...In her hands iss her purse, filled with all a girl's tools for attracting und seducing a man -"
"Excuse me, Doc! What did you say about white gloves? My Mom grew up in the 40's and 50's, and she didn't wear white gloves..."
"AACH! Heehee! See vot I mean?! You said it, not me! So you're momma was a sleazy trollop?"
"What? No! Will you please just explain the comic?!"
"Yah, yah! Look at the scene...she stands waiting for a stranger to notice her, she doesn't know zis man...he comes up and iss checking her out like a hungry wolf eyeing a steak...why, it resembles a hooker schtanding on der corner...the drooling man vants to tear through her bases und rip off her white gloves...it's a wonder he doesn't, the way she's dressed like that, practically asking for it...there was this one time in Belgium when I -"
"Great, Doc!...nice psychoanalysis! Let's look at some more..."
"What about this one, Doc?"
"Yah, Zis one is very subtle also, like ze last one. Ze merry-go-round sybolizes life, the endless repetition and tedium. In life ze man (in zis cover) follows ze women blindly...he does not even know what the heck he's doing there, look at him! Now look at ze woman...remember ze white gloves? ...zis young lady is chaste, und her body language supports this (her legs appear super-glued together). She won't give away the goods without one thing...look at her face! Zis gal is focused on one thing only -- a ring. Is that a wedding ring? Symbolically, no...it is a ring of control, soon to be used to lead her husband around through the nose...or in zis day und age, through the man's cockadoodle-dingdonger..."
"That sounds pretty unpleasant, Doc!"
"Oh, it is! One time, when Mrs. Fredrics und I -"
"Great! Here's another cover!"
"What's your psychoanalysis on this one, Doctor?"
"Hmmmm...I can't see any sexuality on zis cover!"
"Ha!! Of course not! Zis comic cover reeks of the stench of stinky, filthy sex!! Look at it! Do I really need to explain what the ice cream cone symbolizes? Yeeesh!! As I recall, 1946 brought two new 'inventions' to the teens of the day, and they are both depicted on this cover!"
"The bucket and the safety cone?"
"Ha! No, the invention of ze TEASE, followed quickly by ze BLUEBALLS! Teens have been enjoying both ever since! Look at that poor guys face! Und she knows what she's doing! He is helpless to do anything but watch, as his 'shovel' (hehe, you know vot zat symbolizes, yah?) is schticking straight out of the sand! It's all about power und control in zese covers, ya! Some are subtle, und some are not!"
"You know, I think I kinda see it in that one Doc...here is another one..."
"Okay! Here ve have a blatant depiction of a man und a voman making ze sex, ze voopee!"
"What? Come on, Doc! They are just looking at each other!...Aren't they?"
"Tsk...look at the two faces, so close, touching at parts, rubbing at other parts...now for ze sexually repressed male of ze 50's we have learned a little trick of turning ze magazine image...like zis..."
"Und zere you haf it! Naughty, naughty! Now do you see it?...you know, sometimes I like to turn it zis way..."
"Hmmm...very interesting, Doc. Let's look at another one!"
"Oh my gracious goodness! Now ve are haffing fun, yah? Zis is a good example of der hidden schmut...here , I show you...Now, for ze young girl reader, zis is an innocent picture - 'oh, she fall down inna snow, how sweet!'...no, not so sweet! For ze male reader, there is a little more going on here; an attractive, worldly-wise woman stares seductively at you as she splays her legs brazenly, in a 'ready-to-be-mounted' position. As she rests her chin on her fist in an 'I'm waiting for you' pose, her expression says it all. Zis woman is a sleazy little tramp who is after one thing - you! Even ze bulky snowsuit und freezing snow can't disguise the heat zat's comink off of zis one. And you realize - you vant her, too! Ahh! But vait! It's a TRAP!! Too late, you are already swooping in to make vild, passionate luff to her and -SKLITCH!! looks like you just accidently skewered your manhood on that PROTRUDING SKI POLE!! OUCH!! Zat has got to HURT!"
"Wow! Much as I hate to admit it, Doc, this was kinda fun! Can you stick around and do this again sometime? Where can I reach you for the next one?"
"Vell you know I am alvays on the lookout for schmut to schtamp out, so you can find me lurking in dark alleyways und public restrooms alot... und you know you can alvays twitter me..."
"Awesome, Doc. Stick around, I have more comics I want your opinion on. A little bit later."
"Ya, here's my opinion: Comics is BAD for you! Don't be lookink at them until later when we look at more comics, I'm a Comics Code Authoritarian, I'll tell you what's what, boyee!"
"Thanks, Doc. Go sleep it off until I need you, okay?"
"Hold me...chust HOLD ME until I fall asleep, ya? Fighting for decency gives a person ...special needs..."
"Sure, Doc! We'll just check back on you later..."
We hope you enjoyed PART ONE! Come back for PART TWO when Dr. Fredrics wakes up from his nap...Thanks for stopping by!