Ladies and Gentlemen,
Are ... You ... Ready ... to RRRRRrrrrrrrumble?!
In this corner, we have a scrappy B'WANA BEAST, straight off of the cover of SHOWCASE # 66, 1967, wearing a 'Magneto' helmet trimmed in leopard skin, red striped socks also trimmed in leopard skin, matching leopard skin brief covered by a red and white striped towel.
...and, his challenger,
in the other corner, the battler known as THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER from the cover of OUR FLAG COMICS # 4, 1942, wearing a flattering skin-tight 'gay nazi' ensemble.
The challenge? I am trying to locate the worst super-hero costume ever, and I'm starting right here!
You can see our stylish opponents, and I need YOUR HELP to judge which costume is worst!
If you were a crimefighter, and you had to wear only either one or the other, which costume would you NOT be caught dead in?
Please help me by letting me know your vote via leaving a comment below.
Good luck, come out swinging, and may the Worst Costume win!
DING!
PLEASE TELL ME WHICH COSTUME IS WORST!
I gotta go with The Unkown Soldier here. Calf-high black leather boots with skin tight mini-shorts is simply not a look that is going to strike terror in the hearts of your enemy. -- Mykal
ReplyDeleteAgreed with Mykal. Beast looks goofy but contextually could at least work. Soldier just looks a little too much like...I mean...there's no polite way to say it but I think you know what I mean.
ReplyDeleteUnknown Soldier, with that get-up he couldn't even join the Village People.
ReplyDeleteB'wana Beast. Just a gay Wanna Beast. Be all you can B'wana, but you can't wanna be this Beast ! His enemies never get a chance to fight, so debilitated with LAUGHTER are they !
ReplyDeleteCan I offer a write-in candidate? Namely, the Red Bee from early issues of Hit Comics. Send him along with these two bozos to a gay wedding ceremony, and Red Bee will be always the favorite to catch the bridal bouquet.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise, I would pick Bwana Beast. The Unknown Soldier could merely be the result of a wardrobe malfunction (an overly-amorous Nazi Field Marshall could have snatched the hero's trousers).
But Bwana Beast's hideous ensemble could only be the result of deliberate choice. Perhaps he was dumpster diving in Zulu territory.
All the gay people I know in real life have ten times the fashion sense of these meta-humans.
Probably B'wana Beast. The Unknown Soldier's costume (err, outfit?) looks aerodynamic, at least enabling him to move in all sorts of fancy ways.
ReplyDeleteA tough choice. I think that I would least like seeing someone dressed as B'wana Beast come to the rescue, so my vote is that his costume is worst.
ReplyDeleteWow! This is a tough battle!
ReplyDeleteUnknown Soldier looked like a sure winner in the opening rounds, but B'wana Beast has come back mightily in the later rounds!
Hmm...this is gonna be tougher than I thought.
There's still time to cast your vote if you haven't already.
Thanks to all of you who voted and for the hilarious commentary! I am too lazy to reply to you individually! Your comments make me laugh as much as these super-outfits!
Our next battle is coming up soon, our contestants are in the back right now preparing, slipping on their tights and donning their flashiest crime-fighting togs!
Keep voting, and see you at the next elimination bout!
Without question, B'wana Beast.
ReplyDeleteNot just for his appalling taste in wardrobe, but for his grossly insensitive origins.
He represents another tiresome example of a white foreigner holding sway over the African jungle. Apart from the Black Panther, what jungle hero in comics has ever been native-born?
Just as bad, B'wana Beast is supposed to have a special rapport with animals, yet he clothes himself in dead animal skins. Not exactly a healthy exercise in building relationships.
I'll bet he was a personal favorite of former President George W. Bush.
Gotta go with B'wana Beast here. Only a couple of scraps of fabric for a costume, and even they don't go together. It looks like he cobbled it together from remnants thrown out by Edith Prickly's tailor.
ReplyDeleteThe Soldier looks gay, yes, but he deserves some respect, having apparently risen to the rank of 5-Star General even though the lack of pants strained the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy to its limits. Possibly his impressive rank is due to his ability to send opponents sprawling merely by admiring his biceps. Also I don't want to tick him off as he seems to be over nine feet tall. So it's gotta be the Beast.
Chrismartindeed
ReplyDeleteand
David,
Thank you! Your votes have helped seal the fate of our apparent winner, B'wana Beast!
Upon hearing the news, it was reported that B'wana chugged a case of Red Bull, and punched out a water buffalo.
As David points out, the Unknown Soldier IS approximately 9 feet 11 inches tall, so...if one of you wants to come down here and tell him to go home and stop eating the cookies I set out for guests, please do so. I am afraid to go near him.
Thanks again!
Bwana Beast is a longstanding mindbender. Is it kitsch from a lost city in the heart of the jungle? Mike Sekowsky was the perfect choice to draw this implosion of culture--for all his ability, let's face it, he draw all his characters with humpbacks and potbellies. even the women!!! Gotta luv it, ell-yu-vee.
ReplyDelete